So as some of you may have or may have not noticed, I have not been on here at all in quite a while...Well while I was off I have been doing some thinking and a lot of avoiding.

I started to feel depressed again, and so I started to cut everything and everyone that I associated with that depressed period in my life out. I didn't realize that until just recently when I was sitting there thinking and I realized that I am basically walking on eggshells around myself, for fear of falling back into the depression I worked so hard to get myself out of. I also realized that I associated DA with my depression, not to say that I thought it was the cause, because it was far from that, but I did associate them with each other. I also realized that I associate writing with depression as well, ever since I started blocking myself off from everything that even remotely reminded me of those dark feelings I used to harbor I stopped writing. And any time I would try to sit down and write it all felt so forced, and blocked off, and I was scared of tapping into the emotions that I used to draw from for fear of falling back into the places that caused those feelings to sprout, but I'm trying to force myself to start doing things that I associate with depression because I was tired of walking on eggshells with myself, I need to prove to myself that I can do the things that I used to do, and still not be depressed.

So as the title implies this journal entry was mostly meant for me, as a way to sort myself out, and get my fears and realizations on the table.